Butterfly, fly away.

I hate annoying facebook users.
I hate annoying people who only look for me when no one is around.

Usually at this time of the month, I'll be doing some non-stop updates and be saying "Advance Merry Christmas" plenty of times but lately I just haven't been so up for blogging and not to seem so mean. I guess it's cause I never know what to say to anyone anymore. Everyyyyone is assuming I either don't want to talk, don't like them or lying to them. I seriously don't get it. 

W T F

well, whatsoever. no pictures at the moment and can't update much cause yeah I have no idea what to say. Also to lazy to do anything. 


P.S:  Will read tagboard soon, soon.
P.P.S: Got tattoo'd. :)
vee.

NO. NO. NOOOO.

Question; If I liked a girl, would you still consider me a friend?

not that I do like one, just asking.

This is the thing about December/holidays and me. I tend to enjoy it so much that I never notice my weight anymore. My plan of losing weight over the holidays are pretty much a huge fail because I kenot lose weight! Everyday after dancing, I get so tired/lazy and hungry that I pretty much munch on junk food to restore my energy. I barely notice how much I'm eating and I never did until mom had to go around and say "are you getting fatter?" I was like sdskdjcksmfnmsfdv, you're joking right?

I stared at the mirror for 45 minutes and then checked the.. what's that called, the thing where you check your weight? god, I'm getting dumber too. Yeah, I went to check my weight and bam! I am so not gonna put my weight here, tf.

I know I'm not the type to care about my size and weight but THAT weight is unacceptable even for my mom and brothers. I'm okay with like the weight I had BEFORE school holidays' just not this one. I don't like the one I have now, so I've decided to cut on food - though it's kind of hard with all the chocolates my big brother brought back from Philippines. I guess I have to try harder.. especially after dancing.


Anyway, yeah. My big brother's here for 16 days. That's the update that you get for today, editing wishlist and adding:- 

• sack boy doll
• sack boy keychain
• sack boy shirt
• Poreotix shirt made and non-made
• Final Fantasy 13, PS3 game
• that pink hand bag, yes hang bag from Hua Ho Manggis
• iTouch (or was that there already?)
• B.R.W <3
• anklets
• Patrick Star collection :3
• date for dance crew gathering, say whut?

k. pictures soon. with love.

vee.

quick whut

Update as soon as I get home with my laptop. :(

been having tons of sleepover.

In reply to veena 's post.

• she's pretty
• she's honest
• she's witty
• she has an amazing smile
• she's funny
• she's amazing
• she's fun to be with
• she's caring
• she's her
• and  I love her for that
• she's beautiful even though she just shows 10 % of herself
• she's cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute
• and no matter what, she has an amazing personality
• and also, no one can replace her
• she might not be so tall
• or she might think she's not beautiful but she is

I JUST HAD TO. Blogged just for that.

Yesterday

• My uncles 50th birthday. GOLDEN bitch
• Slept last minute at Magrove Paradise Resort
• Phone call with Calvin Jong <3

Today

• Swam at Mangrove Resort
• sunburn -.-
• Mall with mom, Nigel & Stephy <3
• Shooppping
• Got contacts now, so hard getting used to it, no colour k?
• had to BUY and WEAR eye liner.
• Promised Stephy and mom that I wouldn't say no to there modifications
• found out that I might curl my hair before christmas.

Right now

• At my cousins house
• Had 3 days straight of family time <3
• Grandma's here btw! and auntie Leah (haven't seen her for ages)
• Playing Ps3 and shit with my cousins!
• LOVERRRR IT

At cousins house, playing. ;)
will edit tomorrow when I get home and post pictures soon.

P.S: WELCOME BACK EM SHAMS!

vee.

diffuse wuman

How do you know if you're really making a mistake? 

Hectic. Hectic. Hectic. Hectic. This month is very hectic- been busy with dancing, preparing for my uncle's 50th golden birthday party and stuff. He's 50; he plays Call Of Duty, Black Ops and plays nerf guns. How awesome is that? Thought I'd just mention it. :)

Anyway, Not much to tell right now. Same old same old and people are enjoying their holiday at Singapore, KK, KL and shit. I don't really mind but I do admit I feel so lonely and pathetic here with no friends to hang with. What can I do right? it's usually one of the perks of December. 

I am kind of having fun though, eating junk food all day with my parents, cousins and relatives. :) Like yesterday, I had Brownies and Mee Goreng as my dinner then just today we had Pizza for dinner. (A) Loverred it <3 

I am also kind of having some problems, not family, not love or life or friends just some kind of other problem. It's kind of hard to explain, I'm not making sense right now am I?

k.

nerf

nerf

nerf

nerf

nerf

NERFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

mameh and dadyo vain-ing with me :)

Daddyoh <3

NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFF-UH!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

aside from Ryan, Rupert and Joseph.

I'm learning a lot of dancing from Poreotix.

Pictures you've missed somehow.

vee.

trouble is a friend

♫ I got a pocket, pocket full of sunshine. ♫

I'm so so so so so sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy with dance practice, preparing my uncles 50th birthday surprise party, cleaning up my old books and well, other stuffs. Well here's what you've missed so far..

December 1, 2010.
As you know my mom is like a teacher and she has to work in all the time report here and there to school so December was a really really good month for her since it means no more work. She suggested (yes, she's the one who wanted to go out and not me) that we go out; by we I mean me, Stephy and Sharon and xin jie if she was here but she isn't, girl is like at the freaking cat island. Anyway, we went to mall to hang out and do stuff. We couldn't watch Rapunzel cause dad wanted to watch it as a family, we're cool liddat by the way.

So mom, me and Nigel had to go to school for a while cause mom had to do some work, only some and she could leave any time she wanted. Unfortunately, we had to take the bus cause dad was off somewhere and couldn't pick us up and no one we knew was going to Gaydong. Yes, mom took the bus.. surprising isn't it? :p Then we arrived to like walk around and wait for Steph and Sharon. 

I had my eyes checked, like refract and stuff. My astigmatism increased again, it's really high I can barely see tiny tiny letters anymore. :( I feel so blind. Mom had me order contacts and yes! they're transparent. Now she's excited about getting my hair curled and my teeth having braces on March. Ay, it's called a major makeover. Baby brother also now wears spectacles. 

We didn't really do much; ate in Pizza Hut, ate in Swensen as tea break then we went shopping at face shop. Sent the girls home and around after that, I no longer remember. 

in the car home.

Swensen <3

Sharon waiting for us to finish refracting.

Pitcha Hat, loljk.

saw this in Swensen, wtf is mikshake? 

STEPPPPHYYYYY POTTER ;3

December 2, 2010
Steph left for Singapore. :(

Woke up around 10AM cause had a dance practice plus had to go to my aunts house. After my dance practice we (my family) hang around my uncles house, I got to play with my cousins.. 

NERF GUNS ARE SO ADDICTING! :)))

Anyway, long story short we went out around 6PM to watch Rapunzel and have dinner at The Mall. It was a good movie, Zachary Levi sounded really good. :3 whut? he's hot.

That's short. I'm lazy.
Other pictures in mom's camera and Stephy's camera. 

vee.

shut up

What makes you think we're not the same? 

We both want to be extraordinarily different, doesn't that both make us the same?

I saw this picture.. somewhere and this. is. not. okay.

Let me ask you one thing: what's wrong with being gay or being a lesbian or maybe a bisexual or whateversexual? There's nothing wrong with that, I mean I'm catholic true and god only made man and woman but if god didn't judge the gays or the lesbians or the bisexuals and didn't kill them off.. What makes you think you have the right to judge or to kill them off? 

I think gay, lesbians and bisexuals have their own rights and should live the way they want to. I'm sorry but that's just the way I am, no judging.

Anyway, I got my report card today and I have to say.. I'm quite satisfied with what I got. My only huge fail was maths and that was no big surprise. I've been doing that for a looooong time but I promised my parents that next year I'll take tuition and will try getting a higher mark. Which I will do by the way. (A)

I got 8th position in class and no surprise again Keng got 1st followed by Steph. I'm so jealous of smart-ass people. 

I guess that it for the day since nothing else seem to be happening lately, just staying home.. internet, PS3, internet, PS3, television, shower, PS3, internet.. it's pretty much like my holiday routine and will be specially when S and X go for the Christmas holidays. NOOBS!

I know the people who hate me, the people who dislike me, the people who don't give a damn. 

idgaftyvm, so don't rub into my face that you have so much friends.

going out tomorrow with momma, Sharon and Steph. :3 

cause X is leaving.. :(

vee.

short, only short.

ha-ha-ha, no.

Yesterday?
Yesterday was just amazing, nothing bad happened, nothing so good happened. It was pretty much everything in between. ;)) I don't remember much of the details fully but of course, I'll tell you one thing.. I'll keep it short and I'll keep it simple. I went to the Form 5 Graduation Ceremony, I just went cause ching-chong said I had to plus it was my gay best friends graduation too, I had to see their faces. :'))

The performances were good, well prepared and it wasn't sucky. I liked it, not loved.. only liked. I saw them smile, laugh, get nervous, get angry but the crying. The crying made me WANT to cry. I didn't take photos, only a few. 

3 years ago..

 3 years later..

really cried when I went home. :'( 

first guy best friends.

backstage with Sharon and Mom

Today?
I'm tired.

Went to church with my parents, got up really early. Then we went to Gaydong, ate brunch then bought PS3 move. When we arrived home, set everything up and began playing.  Played PS3 move with my parents, uber fun. My arms hurt though, I feel like it's about to drop! I'm tired, now seriously.

Congratulations Ate Jasmin, you looked pretty in your graduation gown! ;)

I'm gonna go now. 

vee.

pursuit of happyness.

I'm a teenager,

I'm not anybody,

I'm not pretty,

I'm just your ordinary teenage girl and I..

I'm happy.

I'm still in pursuit of happyness.

I'm merely a 16-year-old teenager, I have mood swings, unbelievable disappointing school results, a large amount of rumors going about that I'm a lesbian, have an emo-cute-unbelievable loving friends who during the holidays' don't call but still lovely anyway and bunch of other idiotic things that a normal teenage girl has to go through. I'm normal, I hate to admit it but it's true and I have no choice but to accept that.

I'm young, immature and I don't know what I'm doing or saying most of the time. I'm sad, depressed and lonely half of the time and that's normal, I've accepted that fact. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we're teenagers, we tend to feel sad and have feelings we can't explain. It's normal, it is.

I have a baby brother and older brother (bad idea to post his picture) that love me and I love them.

Parents who never go and make me feel unloved. Only help me do nothing but find my way.

sexy sisters who help me with things I can't do. :)

two biffles that I'll shoot once I see but still love.

Friends that give a damn. 

"viel = (R)"  -Em Shams. 

"even if you do live in a cage you'd still be the most updated person ever which makes you "I-live-in-cage-with-a-super-high-tech-satellite-dont-play-play" -Ht.

"you're like music vee. you make us cry, laugh, sometimes both but you can't do that if you're always sad" -Amy.

"you're a bitch, an awesome bitch" -Ty.

Syafick. :p

except Samuel and ahem.



I love you guys.

Friends I'm glad to have come closer to this year. :')



Jackie. :)



Wen Mee and Regina, I don't know where her photo went. -.-



Muzzeh & Mirin

so I'm an average teenager but I can be anyone you make me to be. 

I suddenly had the urge to make this post because I'm slightly afraid of what people are assuming, I'm not some mental, emo girl all the time. I have reasons and I don't always tell the whole story cause you gotta admit, no one cares about what you're going through.. not unless they're really your friends. I'm not trying to offend anyone or hurt feelings but I make slight sense don't I?

And mind you, I fell in love with him. Then learnt that I should let go of him if I love him.

Whatever, I'm high.
I'm ordinary, right?
right.

I'm a rainbow, I'm a rainbow, I'm a rainbow mutherfuqcka! :))

NO UPDATED PICTURES.

I'm still grounded but it's okay.

vee.

no backing down

You're not gonna read the words right? 

well, what can I say?

I have photos, lazy upload.

You know, I'm actually kinda liking the whole not going to school thing. I mean yeah, I miss my friends and I'm always bored as hell at home but it's kinda worth it. I'm having so much solitary time, thinking; yus, I have been thinking but no meditation lately.. I don't think I should do that, not until I calm my fucking negativity thoughts. 

Anyway, I've been watching Veronica Mars. I watched the whole 3 season and I learnt quite a few things from the tv series. 

• I learnt that the character and I are quite nosy, we don't like being curious and we will always try to figure out the truth.
• We both have "reputations", well obviously her reputation is much better and bigger than mine but I can't help but notice that.
• We both act all happy but inside we're hiding something.
• We have nutty personalities, bitchy but nice. "Melly" and stuff.

And other stuff you're not interested in, she's talented though and she has on/off different boyfriends every season. She's whoreible and yes, I am too but in a whole different way. What was I going to blog about today? I completely forgot, short-term memory loss remember. Uh, it was something about change. C'mon brain... 

OH, I was thinking about it. I don't really have something one calls "serious problem", I'm not mental.. well I am but not literally, I'm not trying to get my parents attention (they give me enough k?), I don't need so much attention and shit. My point is I should stop being emu for a while, people have worst problems than I do, I guess I've been depressed and down cause of the shame and the feeling of disappointment but I can solve this "problem" by studying hard and stuff. I figured that emu-ing will have no effect.

From now on, I'm just gonna be anti-depressed though I must say.. I might wear emu/loner clothing for quite a period of time. I don't even know why I'm blogging about this, I guess as a reminder to myself. I want to make this change official. I'm gonna try to be happy, change but not change so much, be single and not care or like anyone for the moment. That's... that. 

You don't care, it's okay. It's worth typing it all out though reading it again makes me think I don't make sense. bah, I don't keh. :)) 

For now, I don't exist. I need solitary but I'm around, talk to me when you want to.

vee.

darling

it's called imagination, darling.

I must say, I'm feeling rather peachy today. I mean not very very VERY peachy but a little less emu. If you get what I mean. For some reason, the word "darling" keeps popping in my head. 

It's my baby cousins birthday today but he isn't having his usual birthday party, darling says he's 11 years old now and doesn't need a birthday party but we're still going there for lunch and dinner. He may be 11 years old but he enjoys nerf gun battles with us. :) 

editing later. 

my definition of hate; smile, wave but dislike in your heart. - Amy

Just came from the lunch and dinner thing with my cousins. My body hurts so bad, my uncle and I had a wrestling competition. I lost, he's short, I'm tall but he still beat me. It aches now, gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. We played nerf guns, PSP, played the helicopter remote thing and talked about stuff. :)) 

I'm tired, I don't have much photos. 

dad playing with us.

Birthday boy.

Kathy and Nate.

Karen.

PSP, game sharing! :)

Call of duty bebeh! 

Happy Birthday Joshua! 

I ♥ you.

vee.

you're eyes, so dangerous

"I have a feeling about him" 

is a very very very bad thing to say.

I did nothing today, sat around, slept, ate, showered, watched television. Today was an utterly quiet day, I can't say I don't like the peace and quiet but I do but I don't want to say it. Oh, look, I just typed it and said it in my head. Told you I was bored.

I'm really really sorry I've been way to emu, no, I'm not sorry.. or am I? Nah, I'm half sorry since emu-ing isn't my thing really, I'm usually kind of.. err, happy. I'm half not sorry cause, it's what I feel and what I feel is real. I guess I'm just one of those people who need to type it or write down what I feel. So, no, I'm not sorry for being real. 

Yes, I'm confused too.

Anyway, dad talked to me yesterday. He says he wasn't disappointed or anything, he was just unhappy. I get what he was trying to say, it wasn't a long conversation but he made a lot of sense. I just kept crying. He banned me from going out with friends, just for the moment. He says, I need to learn and that I hang out with friends way to much. I just nodded, nothing else I could say. BUUUT, I will still ask him about the 27th. I want to go for the basketball thing that he's part of plus.. I'm scared of Ht. 

Yup, that's pretty much it. Saturday, I'm home alone. *screams yay inside* oh no. :( trololol. Sunday, is my baby brother's graduation ceremony so I'm going to that cause my mom says I have to plus we're gonna watch Harry Potter 7. I am not freaking missing that bitch. 

After that, I'm going with the flow. 

why? why you so sexy?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt <--- ♥♥
your smile is so adorable. :)

sometimes, I wish you missed me like I miss you.
vee.

never shine again

I'm waiting for a train,

a train that will take me far away,

I know where I hope this train will take me...

but I'm not sure; 

but it doesn't matter.

because it'll take me far away anyway.

Have you ever thought of running away sometimes? or perhaps thought of suicide? I have. I think of it when things get rough and I often do, not just once or twice but more than I can remember. I've pretty much lost count. I'm such a hypocrite you know, I often tell people don't do this and don't do that but I myself do it anyway. That's why I tell people "it's up to you" cause things I say could be lies or in the end I myself would do it.

I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid to stop and think for a minute because I know my thoughts would get a hold of me and torture me in the very depths of my mind. The negativity would swallow me whole and everything I thought was positive would disappear in a matter of seconds. That's how dangerous my mind is, I admit to myself, no, not just to myself but to everyone who knows me that I am a quite troubled person. For those who have always known, well, kudos.

My brother got his PSR results yesterday, 2A's 2B's 1C. I'm proud of him, he got a much better result than I did. I am ashamed, I don't hide that fact. I'm ashamed that my baby brother was better than his older sister but past is past and there is nothing I can absolutely do about it. I was utterly happy for him, I was but during the night when we went to sleep... I tossed and I turned and just let myself drift deep within my mind. That was a big mistake.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday night, slept at exactly 3AM. You want to know why? of course you don't. 

Just a while ago, X and I were talking about results. I could hear the disappointment bells real loud. My results are all so disappointing, I didn't even get a 60. I know, I haven't been studying well enough and I don't know why either but my maths, 8 over 80, that's something I can't take in. My parents are okay with the 53 and above thing in other subjects but 8, eight, fuck eight. What the hell is the matter with me? 

So you see, it doesn't matter if you got 50 or 40 in maths or whatever subject, I've never passed maths ever since I was primary 5. I've never gotten higher than. period. I don't know if I'm going school tomorrow.

I might not be around after I show my dad my maths, we shall see. 

I don't believe in lost causes.
vee.

starlit eyes

I spent 4 fucking hours. 

guess doing what.

trying to figure out why I couldn't log in msn and guess why I couldn't log in, well it's like this. Msn fucking blocked my email, why? FACEBOOK emails to many notifications.

Bloody hell.

Oh shit. I change my mind about wanting to go to school tomorrow, I seriously am changing my mind. I just.. I just ain't up for school even if we aren't going to do any studying. Plus, there's results. God, results. I don't want results at the moment. I'm stressed out with other stuffs and results are just.. please no. 

I'm not waiting for anything to happen cause let's admit it, there's nothing going to happen in our everyday lives. We're normal, teenage people unless of course drama follows you around or you attract it or just want it. whatever, I'm sorry for being a bitchy, negative person here.. I haven't meditated and I'm pissed off. Kind of.

I want to chop her tongue off. bitch. ho'. 

Anyway, I watched inception plenty of times today and I just realized that I love it and I've declared it my favorite (forever favorite) movie film. :)) I've added three new things in my addiction list. Tom Hardy, Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Oh my, I drool. So now, I go crazy for: tattoos, violins, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo Dicarpio, Greek Gods, Italy, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Kpop, Tom Hardy, Onew and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

Mostly Onew, Ellen Page, Tattoos, Tom Hardy, Italy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. <3

I have to calm the fuck down. I'm talking rubbish, it's the only way. 

favorite. <3

Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

They match, noh?

weird fact ; he was batman?

Tom Hardy!

I LOVE THIS SCENE and that part where he defies gravity. 

"Paradox" bitch.

if you want inception, you need imagination. 

thus the big gun. hee, I love Tom Hardy.

I drool. Joseph is so.. droolable? :p no such word btw.

my laptop dp. <3

I really wish. :p

I should stop before my hand scrolls to the "Insert image" button. Let's see if I wake up tomorrow. :)) Goodnight and oh. HNNNNG! 4chan sucks right? :((

you have starlit eyes. and I miss those eyes.

vee.