quick whut

Update as soon as I get home with my laptop. :(

been having tons of sleepover.

In reply to veena 's post.

• she's pretty
• she's honest
• she's witty
• she has an amazing smile
• she's funny
• she's amazing
• she's fun to be with
• she's caring
• she's her
• and  I love her for that
• she's beautiful even though she just shows 10 % of herself
• she's cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute
• and no matter what, she has an amazing personality
• and also, no one can replace her
• she might not be so tall
• or she might think she's not beautiful but she is

I JUST HAD TO. Blogged just for that.

Yesterday

• My uncles 50th birthday. GOLDEN bitch
• Slept last minute at Magrove Paradise Resort
• Phone call with Calvin Jong <3

Today

• Swam at Mangrove Resort
• sunburn -.-
• Mall with mom, Nigel & Stephy <3
• Shooppping
• Got contacts now, so hard getting used to it, no colour k?
• had to BUY and WEAR eye liner.
• Promised Stephy and mom that I wouldn't say no to there modifications
• found out that I might curl my hair before christmas.

Right now

• At my cousins house
• Had 3 days straight of family time <3
• Grandma's here btw! and auntie Leah (haven't seen her for ages)
• Playing Ps3 and shit with my cousins!
• LOVERRRR IT

At cousins house, playing. ;)
will edit tomorrow when I get home and post pictures soon.

P.S: WELCOME BACK EM SHAMS!

vee.

never shine again

I'm waiting for a train,

a train that will take me far away,

I know where I hope this train will take me...

but I'm not sure; 

but it doesn't matter.

because it'll take me far away anyway.

Have you ever thought of running away sometimes? or perhaps thought of suicide? I have. I think of it when things get rough and I often do, not just once or twice but more than I can remember. I've pretty much lost count. I'm such a hypocrite you know, I often tell people don't do this and don't do that but I myself do it anyway. That's why I tell people "it's up to you" cause things I say could be lies or in the end I myself would do it.

I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid to stop and think for a minute because I know my thoughts would get a hold of me and torture me in the very depths of my mind. The negativity would swallow me whole and everything I thought was positive would disappear in a matter of seconds. That's how dangerous my mind is, I admit to myself, no, not just to myself but to everyone who knows me that I am a quite troubled person. For those who have always known, well, kudos.

My brother got his PSR results yesterday, 2A's 2B's 1C. I'm proud of him, he got a much better result than I did. I am ashamed, I don't hide that fact. I'm ashamed that my baby brother was better than his older sister but past is past and there is nothing I can absolutely do about it. I was utterly happy for him, I was but during the night when we went to sleep... I tossed and I turned and just let myself drift deep within my mind. That was a big mistake.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday night, slept at exactly 3AM. You want to know why? of course you don't. 

Just a while ago, X and I were talking about results. I could hear the disappointment bells real loud. My results are all so disappointing, I didn't even get a 60. I know, I haven't been studying well enough and I don't know why either but my maths, 8 over 80, that's something I can't take in. My parents are okay with the 53 and above thing in other subjects but 8, eight, fuck eight. What the hell is the matter with me? 

So you see, it doesn't matter if you got 50 or 40 in maths or whatever subject, I've never passed maths ever since I was primary 5. I've never gotten higher than. period. I don't know if I'm going school tomorrow.

I might not be around after I show my dad my maths, we shall see. 

I don't believe in lost causes.
vee.

words don't come easy.

I just wish I understood you a little more better than I did now.

I'm attracted to you. 

I wonder who.

fuck this shit.

Today was fun. It was, exams ended today but what we all fear is coming. Results. Ugh, results suck and the whole whether you'll retain or not. I don't know, my mind is drowning me with negative thoughts. I've tried NOT thinking about it but it's just.. it's just there.

I summarized what happened today, I think it's a summary? I've never really been good at summaries. 

Exams ended, physics wasn't that bad but I don't think I'll get a high mark. I really should've studied. After exams, around 9am, the bitches and I went to the canteen to.. er, talk. We chatted, laughed and ate then took a walk. We didn't actually take a walk cause Sw saw Sg. The dude with really weird hair, her ex crush? something like that. We made fun of her, ran away and "hid" from her.. at least we tried. Then we just stood at that area.. you know the one where the teachers enter there apartment, beside the Darussalam Hall. Yeah, we stood there, just talking and laughing, singing and shit. It was nice. 

It's our official favorite rendezvous place.

Awhile later, we went to the music room. We sang karaoke, there was plenty of us. It was fun cause everyone was smiling and joking around. A was in his singing mood and his sister just kept.. staring. :p M was being a bitch. I just realized how much I wish to slap him on the face. Sometimes, cause he's such a bitch. He talks like he's so unstoppable. -.- I hate that.

I couldn't go home early, went to Yayasan with mom and teacher Aileen. Bought blouses for teacher Aileen then we went to eat at Jollibee, then went to buy new nail polish at face shop. :)) I saw Vili and Xin Ni too. After that, we just went back and waited for dad. Arrived home and never left my chair.

Oh god, the freedom won't last long. I also decided not to have a debutant. I don't see the idea why I should have one.

Pictures.

she just simply licked my choki choki! D:

SHARONNNNNNNNNNNN!

we were fixing our CD's yesterday. we have so much boxes of CD's now.

BIIIIIIIIIIITCH, posting all my candid shots. This is my revenge.

It was nicer during the morning and afternoon but now, my evening is just not my evening. ): Anyway, I'm going out with my bitches on Friday. Hopefully, finally I get to hang out without any occasion with them. :)) I'm excited. I have so much plans that I'm about to go bananas. :p

Oh and today was just the dumbest day ever. someone asked my dad ; are you ready for this?

"why does your dog hate me?"

seriously? how can you ask this about a dog? you're so dumb! wtf?

Happy Birthday Chok.

I love you boy. :)) very much, and I hope all your wishes come true. I hope you have a blast and more to come. Take care always, god bless and stay awesome. Good luck in O's.

I'm having a hard time not thinking.

vaffanculo.

vee.

Attraversiamo

The sweetness of doing nothing. 
I will eat then lose 5 kg.
without forcing myself.

I decided to make a really long, random post today. No, today isn't a special day but I still wanted to do this posts. I don't know what it'll be about and I don't know what I might be talking about but if it, in any way, makes you feel uncomfortable then I'm sorry in advance. I'm sure that I never meant to make you feel that way but this is my property.. so, you get where I'm going.

I've found a word that I can finally stick with, Attraversiamo. It's a Italian word meaning Let's cross over, I actually got it from the Eat, Pray, Love book but something about the word is just so alluring and so mesmerizing. Well, that and Vaffanculo meaning fuck off or fuck you.

One word, Italy.

I'm addicted to Italy. The culture, the people, the statues, the ruins, the foods! oh god, don't get me started on the food and even the language. The way it comes out of the mouth, it's so, it's madness! I can't get it out of my head, whenever I think of taking a trip to Italy... I just, I just go insanely crazy that I don't even remember what I was talking about. Italy, perche? perche? why must your be so addicting?

Someday, I shall conquer Italy like Julius Caesar did.  In a hypothetically cause yeah. :) Someday. 

wish on the well.

stroll Italy during the night.

ride through Sicily on boat and taste it's finest foods. ;)

devour a pizza in Naples. :3

visit the Arch of Constantine. I think that's what it's called. :p

and conquer the Colosseum with Sharon. :)

I want to taste the wine, the chocolate, the gelatos' and the breathe the might-be-polluted air of Italy. I'll go there someday, someday. :)

Personally, I think... beaches are bitches. lolwuht? I'm kidding. I'm rambling shit, seriously. I don't know why this post has to be long and why it has to be today.

Exams are going the same as my last post described it. There's no difference, I'm not sure if I did try my best or if I did want to try at all. I won't be sure till exam results come out but until then, I will only focus on trying to be more positive. I've made a list, list of do's and don'ts. 

Do.
Meditate and pray.
Balance myself.
Study as hard as I can.
Learn Italian.
Learn Italy.

Don't.

Think negative.

Do things I shouldn't.

Forget your Do's.

I'm taking baby steps. I'm no Elizabeth Gilbert but I'll try to do it all, speaking of Elizabeth Gilbert! I've read her book 3 times. Not to brag but, it's a good memoir. She really poured herself into the book and it really went out well. :)))


Pictures during Ate Ivy, Ate Jasmine and Ate Sarah's last day in Brunei. I miss them already. ;(

my ever sisters. :))

Sarah, me, Jasmine and Ivy. 

this one is with James.

I'm sleepy now. vaffanculo! 
if you read this, I'm amazed you haven't left yet. ;) Grazie.
Grazie Mille Carino Sconosciuto! Grazie!

imissyouandicantakeyououtofmymind. :( 

what if you were?

then what?

vaffanculo.
vee.