with a bang I go

you.

There comes a time in our life where mistakes just turn into a routine, an everyday thing and the pain doesn't affect you anymore.. but there also comes a time in a certain day in a certain moment someone comes along and turns that routine upside down. Puts a smile in our face, tells us everything is going to be just fine or if you're lucky that someone will share that pain with you. throughout it all.

2010 is coming to an end, true. Memories made, mistakes causes, life changed, dramas written but through it all each one of us gained a little some of those. Others found love, peace at heart, forgiveness, friendship and so far found.. themselves. I admit that the middle of 2010 was a very emotional time for me but as usual.. December seemed to have brought me back up.

I'm grateful for many things this year.

• friends. new friends and old friends, for growing closer and not apart.
• for love. for having to fall in, fall out and fall in between. 
• for family, for having them around. for the love they give.
• for life itself, even though I felt as if my life was suppose to be mine. I am still grateful.
• though I am ungrateful for bad results AND maths.

2011. 

• I would like to make a difference. Change someone, something small. since I've never done that..
• not be a complete failure or disappointment.
• I would really like not to falter, give up or anything.
• to achieve something. save, buy things I want and stuff I want.
• mature incredibly. 

I am grateful for my family, for they have stuck with me through it all. For not putting me down.. For forgiving me. Also grateful for friends, new and old. Despite me being an annoying and stubborn girl.. they've, you've all taught me many new things and thank you for being around through the dramas and annoying mood swings. For that I am, most grateful. For both my family and friends.

Stephanie M. Chun Mei Mei

• Thank you for the everlasting love you've given. For sticking with me even though I've been a complete and idiotic immature best friend. You've been my friend for 8 years, 2011 is our 9th year and I'm grateful for having to meet you. Always grateful. I hope you'll forgive me for anything I've done in the past or I'm going to do in the future. With you I have earned not a only a friend, not only a best friend, not only a classmate, not only a childhood friend but a sister too. :) I hope you know how amazing you are and no matter what you should'nt let anyone bring you down. You're amazing, just the way you are. I love you and Thank you again, for being there when I need you.

Lim Xin Jie

• You've been a good friend to me, for always being there when I need you. You've been someone who I can run to when I'm down and I'm grateful for that. I hope you know that too much bad words can kill, hahaha! (A) AND YES, I've given up saying so much bad words. I still love you no worries. :) Thank you for being the psycho in my life story.

Hui Tien Ngu

• boobs. boobs. boobs, why are yours so comfortable? I'm kidding, no wait, am I? 0:) I love you Tien for helping me out always, for comforting me when I'm down. Thank you for always being there, for the sarcasm you teach me everyday. Thank you for teaching me to be a tough person.

Tyler Eugene M.

• I don't get why you have to be bisexual, it's not that I don't like bisexual guys but you know me.. parents.. friends. They tend to judge and I don't want to drag you into that kind of drama. Thank you for being around during the dark times, for the sad moments. baby, I love you.

Lynne Liew

• Cookie, I love you. :) Thank you for helping out during that day.. the day I told.. yknow. ;) I'm grateful for being friends with you. For everything you've said and done for me. Thank you.

Dong Kai Ti

• BAMF. ish. (L) he's evil and he's always trying to make me unwanted but despite everything he loves me. He's always there to make joke and make me laugh but he's still a bizth. T^T makes me wanna punch him sometimes but he understands me and I'm grateful for that. Ever since the year started he's been around, helping just not showing. And bro, thank you for making me laugh and teaching me to be a wuman. ;)) YOU'RE THE BOY OUR MAMA'S WARN US ABOUT.

EK. 

• from a stranger to a classmate to friend to close friend to a guy  who became my first love. Thank you for still being my friend even though you found out the feelings I had for you. You've taught me so many things.. for everything you've said to me. Thank you for smiling at me each day and giving me a reason to get up in the morning and god.. go to school. For pushing me to study harder and try to accomplish something in my life. I've let go but I still love you.

Calvin Jong

• What can I say about you? I love your attitude. I love you strong personality. I love you. I'm sorry I've never managed to help you with your problems but you've always helped me with mine and comforted me through it all. Thank you. 

Hazimah a.k.a Ms. Donut

• Thank you for the hugs. The smiles you've given me, the stories and secrets you've shared. I've learnt a lot from you and honestly, before we became friends.. truth was, I disliked you. It wasn't a bad thing, I disliked you because people liked you for who you were (and still are). You were funny, witty, sexy, beautiful and amazingly interesting.. I guess out of envy I didn't like you but I do now okay? I love you. More than ever and it's amazing how much you've managed to stay strong all this time and I admire you for that. 

Alveena Chiuh

• I've said this so many time. I've typed it so many time. I've thought it so many time. Okay, now that sounded really weird. What I'm trying to say is, you're amazing veena. You're cute in every way, you've an amazing personality. You don't have to be anyone to impress anyone, if they don't accept you for who you are then they don't deserve to know you at all. Thank you for the endless advices, for listening to me always. I love you and I hope you never change. 

Karmina Dionisio

• I LOVE YOU. end of story. Always there when I need you, always keeping communication, bringing life in mine. Thank you. You're my rocker, my shorty my wife? loljk brah. 

Jackie Kong

• You bring light into my dark and dim life. I'm glad to have met you this year. You're funny and I love your attitude. :)

I guess I just wanted to say it for one last time. To this people who cared so much this year, for making me feel loved, cared at and important. Thank you and I love you guys for everything.

vee.

obliviate

I'm not a freaking early bird, I'm more of a night owl. DARLING.

I was out half of the day, went for my baby brother's primary 6 graduation ceremony and that ceremony sucked. I'm not kidding and I don't mean any harm to anyone but seriously.. it's the most unplanned ceremony ever. Performances weren't that great and at the end of the ceremony one teacher, not saying who, didn't want to give the certificates. Oh mai god, so many parents complained. 

After the graduation ceremony, we went to Gaydong to watch Harry Potter 7. It was so fucking amazing, uh, not to jump into any conclusions.. we arrived there and by 1.15PM went up to the cinema. :) I wanted to cry even before the movie started. I want Part 2 to come soon but don't want it to come anyway.

When the movie ended, we went home straight away. We were super sleepy. :\  My dad, mom and baby brother wants part 2 to come soon though we are satisfied with the ending.. for now. :)

Dad: *is angry about the ceremony and keeps repeating it until we get home*

Mom: *laughs*

Me: *slaps forehead*

Mom: *keeps laughing* oblivious.

Me & Dad: *looks at each other* whut? *laughs*

Mom: *laughs* ehy, what's that again? 

Me: OBLIVIATE!

Dad: *laughs* you're mom just created a new spell. :p

We're talking spells today. My baby brother and I keep doing scenes from Harry potter 1 to the recent one. I told him that when Fred dies on Part 2.. I'll raise my phone or flashlight then cry. :(  I'm random today, thanks.

 

like this. :)

I wore thights. -.-

baby brother. 

unnecessary pictures to look at. 

hooooot

I really wish Emma and Rupert would just get married. :p

love. ♥

oh the trio. ♥♥♥

vee.

you're eyes, so dangerous

"I have a feeling about him" 

is a very very very bad thing to say.

I did nothing today, sat around, slept, ate, showered, watched television. Today was an utterly quiet day, I can't say I don't like the peace and quiet but I do but I don't want to say it. Oh, look, I just typed it and said it in my head. Told you I was bored.

I'm really really sorry I've been way to emu, no, I'm not sorry.. or am I? Nah, I'm half sorry since emu-ing isn't my thing really, I'm usually kind of.. err, happy. I'm half not sorry cause, it's what I feel and what I feel is real. I guess I'm just one of those people who need to type it or write down what I feel. So, no, I'm not sorry for being real. 

Yes, I'm confused too.

Anyway, dad talked to me yesterday. He says he wasn't disappointed or anything, he was just unhappy. I get what he was trying to say, it wasn't a long conversation but he made a lot of sense. I just kept crying. He banned me from going out with friends, just for the moment. He says, I need to learn and that I hang out with friends way to much. I just nodded, nothing else I could say. BUUUT, I will still ask him about the 27th. I want to go for the basketball thing that he's part of plus.. I'm scared of Ht. 

Yup, that's pretty much it. Saturday, I'm home alone. *screams yay inside* oh no. :( trololol. Sunday, is my baby brother's graduation ceremony so I'm going to that cause my mom says I have to plus we're gonna watch Harry Potter 7. I am not freaking missing that bitch. 

After that, I'm going with the flow. 

why? why you so sexy?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt <--- ♥♥
your smile is so adorable. :)

sometimes, I wish you missed me like I miss you.
vee.

never shine again

I'm waiting for a train,

a train that will take me far away,

I know where I hope this train will take me...

but I'm not sure; 

but it doesn't matter.

because it'll take me far away anyway.

Have you ever thought of running away sometimes? or perhaps thought of suicide? I have. I think of it when things get rough and I often do, not just once or twice but more than I can remember. I've pretty much lost count. I'm such a hypocrite you know, I often tell people don't do this and don't do that but I myself do it anyway. That's why I tell people "it's up to you" cause things I say could be lies or in the end I myself would do it.

I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid to stop and think for a minute because I know my thoughts would get a hold of me and torture me in the very depths of my mind. The negativity would swallow me whole and everything I thought was positive would disappear in a matter of seconds. That's how dangerous my mind is, I admit to myself, no, not just to myself but to everyone who knows me that I am a quite troubled person. For those who have always known, well, kudos.

My brother got his PSR results yesterday, 2A's 2B's 1C. I'm proud of him, he got a much better result than I did. I am ashamed, I don't hide that fact. I'm ashamed that my baby brother was better than his older sister but past is past and there is nothing I can absolutely do about it. I was utterly happy for him, I was but during the night when we went to sleep... I tossed and I turned and just let myself drift deep within my mind. That was a big mistake.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday night, slept at exactly 3AM. You want to know why? of course you don't. 

Just a while ago, X and I were talking about results. I could hear the disappointment bells real loud. My results are all so disappointing, I didn't even get a 60. I know, I haven't been studying well enough and I don't know why either but my maths, 8 over 80, that's something I can't take in. My parents are okay with the 53 and above thing in other subjects but 8, eight, fuck eight. What the hell is the matter with me? 

So you see, it doesn't matter if you got 50 or 40 in maths or whatever subject, I've never passed maths ever since I was primary 5. I've never gotten higher than. period. I don't know if I'm going school tomorrow.

I might not be around after I show my dad my maths, we shall see. 

I don't believe in lost causes.
vee.

crash and burn

I just can't make you love me 

and it just burns my heart that you can't feel the flame.

look! from that ^...

to this ^.. 

This world must hate me.

I'm not kidding me. Sharon, Steph, X and I planned on going to mall tomorrow but everything backfired. Nothing ever goes the way I want it, I'm like jinxed or something. Anyway, my schedule is like all packed. I barely have time to spend at home, oh shit, mom and dad are gonna give me tantrums about it again.

Results results results are the only thing that's in my mind. Mom said my geography was 52% only, that's paper 1 and paper 2. shit. Don't ask me how she knows but seriously, I lost to Ong and Keng again. :((

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSHIT.

I emu a lot and I don't have anything to talk about. 

I want to know who. :(
vee.