shut up

What makes you think we're not the same? 

We both want to be extraordinarily different, doesn't that both make us the same?

I saw this picture.. somewhere and this. is. not. okay.

Let me ask you one thing: what's wrong with being gay or being a lesbian or maybe a bisexual or whateversexual? There's nothing wrong with that, I mean I'm catholic true and god only made man and woman but if god didn't judge the gays or the lesbians or the bisexuals and didn't kill them off.. What makes you think you have the right to judge or to kill them off? 

I think gay, lesbians and bisexuals have their own rights and should live the way they want to. I'm sorry but that's just the way I am, no judging.

Anyway, I got my report card today and I have to say.. I'm quite satisfied with what I got. My only huge fail was maths and that was no big surprise. I've been doing that for a looooong time but I promised my parents that next year I'll take tuition and will try getting a higher mark. Which I will do by the way. (A)

I got 8th position in class and no surprise again Keng got 1st followed by Steph. I'm so jealous of smart-ass people. 

I guess that it for the day since nothing else seem to be happening lately, just staying home.. internet, PS3, internet, PS3, television, shower, PS3, internet.. it's pretty much like my holiday routine and will be specially when S and X go for the Christmas holidays. NOOBS!

I know the people who hate me, the people who dislike me, the people who don't give a damn. 

idgaftyvm, so don't rub into my face that you have so much friends.

going out tomorrow with momma, Sharon and Steph. :3 

cause X is leaving.. :(

vee.

short, only short.

ha-ha-ha, no.

Yesterday?
Yesterday was just amazing, nothing bad happened, nothing so good happened. It was pretty much everything in between. ;)) I don't remember much of the details fully but of course, I'll tell you one thing.. I'll keep it short and I'll keep it simple. I went to the Form 5 Graduation Ceremony, I just went cause ching-chong said I had to plus it was my gay best friends graduation too, I had to see their faces. :'))

The performances were good, well prepared and it wasn't sucky. I liked it, not loved.. only liked. I saw them smile, laugh, get nervous, get angry but the crying. The crying made me WANT to cry. I didn't take photos, only a few. 

3 years ago..

 3 years later..

really cried when I went home. :'( 

first guy best friends.

backstage with Sharon and Mom

Today?
I'm tired.

Went to church with my parents, got up really early. Then we went to Gaydong, ate brunch then bought PS3 move. When we arrived home, set everything up and began playing.  Played PS3 move with my parents, uber fun. My arms hurt though, I feel like it's about to drop! I'm tired, now seriously.

Congratulations Ate Jasmin, you looked pretty in your graduation gown! ;)

I'm gonna go now. 

vee.

pursuit of happyness.

I'm a teenager,

I'm not anybody,

I'm not pretty,

I'm just your ordinary teenage girl and I..

I'm happy.

I'm still in pursuit of happyness.

I'm merely a 16-year-old teenager, I have mood swings, unbelievable disappointing school results, a large amount of rumors going about that I'm a lesbian, have an emo-cute-unbelievable loving friends who during the holidays' don't call but still lovely anyway and bunch of other idiotic things that a normal teenage girl has to go through. I'm normal, I hate to admit it but it's true and I have no choice but to accept that.

I'm young, immature and I don't know what I'm doing or saying most of the time. I'm sad, depressed and lonely half of the time and that's normal, I've accepted that fact. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we're teenagers, we tend to feel sad and have feelings we can't explain. It's normal, it is.

I have a baby brother and older brother (bad idea to post his picture) that love me and I love them.

Parents who never go and make me feel unloved. Only help me do nothing but find my way.

sexy sisters who help me with things I can't do. :)

two biffles that I'll shoot once I see but still love.

Friends that give a damn. 

"viel = (R)"  -Em Shams. 

"even if you do live in a cage you'd still be the most updated person ever which makes you "I-live-in-cage-with-a-super-high-tech-satellite-dont-play-play" -Ht.

"you're like music vee. you make us cry, laugh, sometimes both but you can't do that if you're always sad" -Amy.

"you're a bitch, an awesome bitch" -Ty.

Syafick. :p

except Samuel and ahem.



I love you guys.

Friends I'm glad to have come closer to this year. :')



Jackie. :)



Wen Mee and Regina, I don't know where her photo went. -.-



Muzzeh & Mirin

so I'm an average teenager but I can be anyone you make me to be. 

I suddenly had the urge to make this post because I'm slightly afraid of what people are assuming, I'm not some mental, emo girl all the time. I have reasons and I don't always tell the whole story cause you gotta admit, no one cares about what you're going through.. not unless they're really your friends. I'm not trying to offend anyone or hurt feelings but I make slight sense don't I?

And mind you, I fell in love with him. Then learnt that I should let go of him if I love him.

Whatever, I'm high.
I'm ordinary, right?
right.

I'm a rainbow, I'm a rainbow, I'm a rainbow mutherfuqcka! :))

NO UPDATED PICTURES.

I'm still grounded but it's okay.

vee.

no backing down

You're not gonna read the words right? 

well, what can I say?

I have photos, lazy upload.

You know, I'm actually kinda liking the whole not going to school thing. I mean yeah, I miss my friends and I'm always bored as hell at home but it's kinda worth it. I'm having so much solitary time, thinking; yus, I have been thinking but no meditation lately.. I don't think I should do that, not until I calm my fucking negativity thoughts. 

Anyway, I've been watching Veronica Mars. I watched the whole 3 season and I learnt quite a few things from the tv series. 

• I learnt that the character and I are quite nosy, we don't like being curious and we will always try to figure out the truth.
• We both have "reputations", well obviously her reputation is much better and bigger than mine but I can't help but notice that.
• We both act all happy but inside we're hiding something.
• We have nutty personalities, bitchy but nice. "Melly" and stuff.

And other stuff you're not interested in, she's talented though and she has on/off different boyfriends every season. She's whoreible and yes, I am too but in a whole different way. What was I going to blog about today? I completely forgot, short-term memory loss remember. Uh, it was something about change. C'mon brain... 

OH, I was thinking about it. I don't really have something one calls "serious problem", I'm not mental.. well I am but not literally, I'm not trying to get my parents attention (they give me enough k?), I don't need so much attention and shit. My point is I should stop being emu for a while, people have worst problems than I do, I guess I've been depressed and down cause of the shame and the feeling of disappointment but I can solve this "problem" by studying hard and stuff. I figured that emu-ing will have no effect.

From now on, I'm just gonna be anti-depressed though I must say.. I might wear emu/loner clothing for quite a period of time. I don't even know why I'm blogging about this, I guess as a reminder to myself. I want to make this change official. I'm gonna try to be happy, change but not change so much, be single and not care or like anyone for the moment. That's... that. 

You don't care, it's okay. It's worth typing it all out though reading it again makes me think I don't make sense. bah, I don't keh. :)) 

For now, I don't exist. I need solitary but I'm around, talk to me when you want to.

vee.

obliviate

I'm not a freaking early bird, I'm more of a night owl. DARLING.

I was out half of the day, went for my baby brother's primary 6 graduation ceremony and that ceremony sucked. I'm not kidding and I don't mean any harm to anyone but seriously.. it's the most unplanned ceremony ever. Performances weren't that great and at the end of the ceremony one teacher, not saying who, didn't want to give the certificates. Oh mai god, so many parents complained. 

After the graduation ceremony, we went to Gaydong to watch Harry Potter 7. It was so fucking amazing, uh, not to jump into any conclusions.. we arrived there and by 1.15PM went up to the cinema. :) I wanted to cry even before the movie started. I want Part 2 to come soon but don't want it to come anyway.

When the movie ended, we went home straight away. We were super sleepy. :\  My dad, mom and baby brother wants part 2 to come soon though we are satisfied with the ending.. for now. :)

Dad: *is angry about the ceremony and keeps repeating it until we get home*

Mom: *laughs*

Me: *slaps forehead*

Mom: *keeps laughing* oblivious.

Me & Dad: *looks at each other* whut? *laughs*

Mom: *laughs* ehy, what's that again? 

Me: OBLIVIATE!

Dad: *laughs* you're mom just created a new spell. :p

We're talking spells today. My baby brother and I keep doing scenes from Harry potter 1 to the recent one. I told him that when Fred dies on Part 2.. I'll raise my phone or flashlight then cry. :(  I'm random today, thanks.

 

like this. :)

I wore thights. -.-

baby brother. 

unnecessary pictures to look at. 

hooooot

I really wish Emma and Rupert would just get married. :p

love. ♥

oh the trio. ♥♥♥

vee.

darling

it's called imagination, darling.

I must say, I'm feeling rather peachy today. I mean not very very VERY peachy but a little less emu. If you get what I mean. For some reason, the word "darling" keeps popping in my head. 

It's my baby cousins birthday today but he isn't having his usual birthday party, darling says he's 11 years old now and doesn't need a birthday party but we're still going there for lunch and dinner. He may be 11 years old but he enjoys nerf gun battles with us. :) 

editing later. 

my definition of hate; smile, wave but dislike in your heart. - Amy

Just came from the lunch and dinner thing with my cousins. My body hurts so bad, my uncle and I had a wrestling competition. I lost, he's short, I'm tall but he still beat me. It aches now, gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. We played nerf guns, PSP, played the helicopter remote thing and talked about stuff. :)) 

I'm tired, I don't have much photos. 

dad playing with us.

Birthday boy.

Kathy and Nate.

Karen.

PSP, game sharing! :)

Call of duty bebeh! 

Happy Birthday Joshua! 

I ♥ you.

vee.

you're eyes, so dangerous

"I have a feeling about him" 

is a very very very bad thing to say.

I did nothing today, sat around, slept, ate, showered, watched television. Today was an utterly quiet day, I can't say I don't like the peace and quiet but I do but I don't want to say it. Oh, look, I just typed it and said it in my head. Told you I was bored.

I'm really really sorry I've been way to emu, no, I'm not sorry.. or am I? Nah, I'm half sorry since emu-ing isn't my thing really, I'm usually kind of.. err, happy. I'm half not sorry cause, it's what I feel and what I feel is real. I guess I'm just one of those people who need to type it or write down what I feel. So, no, I'm not sorry for being real. 

Yes, I'm confused too.

Anyway, dad talked to me yesterday. He says he wasn't disappointed or anything, he was just unhappy. I get what he was trying to say, it wasn't a long conversation but he made a lot of sense. I just kept crying. He banned me from going out with friends, just for the moment. He says, I need to learn and that I hang out with friends way to much. I just nodded, nothing else I could say. BUUUT, I will still ask him about the 27th. I want to go for the basketball thing that he's part of plus.. I'm scared of Ht. 

Yup, that's pretty much it. Saturday, I'm home alone. *screams yay inside* oh no. :( trololol. Sunday, is my baby brother's graduation ceremony so I'm going to that cause my mom says I have to plus we're gonna watch Harry Potter 7. I am not freaking missing that bitch. 

After that, I'm going with the flow. 

why? why you so sexy?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt <--- ♥♥
your smile is so adorable. :)

sometimes, I wish you missed me like I miss you.
vee.

never shine again

I'm waiting for a train,

a train that will take me far away,

I know where I hope this train will take me...

but I'm not sure; 

but it doesn't matter.

because it'll take me far away anyway.

Have you ever thought of running away sometimes? or perhaps thought of suicide? I have. I think of it when things get rough and I often do, not just once or twice but more than I can remember. I've pretty much lost count. I'm such a hypocrite you know, I often tell people don't do this and don't do that but I myself do it anyway. That's why I tell people "it's up to you" cause things I say could be lies or in the end I myself would do it.

I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid to stop and think for a minute because I know my thoughts would get a hold of me and torture me in the very depths of my mind. The negativity would swallow me whole and everything I thought was positive would disappear in a matter of seconds. That's how dangerous my mind is, I admit to myself, no, not just to myself but to everyone who knows me that I am a quite troubled person. For those who have always known, well, kudos.

My brother got his PSR results yesterday, 2A's 2B's 1C. I'm proud of him, he got a much better result than I did. I am ashamed, I don't hide that fact. I'm ashamed that my baby brother was better than his older sister but past is past and there is nothing I can absolutely do about it. I was utterly happy for him, I was but during the night when we went to sleep... I tossed and I turned and just let myself drift deep within my mind. That was a big mistake.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday night, slept at exactly 3AM. You want to know why? of course you don't. 

Just a while ago, X and I were talking about results. I could hear the disappointment bells real loud. My results are all so disappointing, I didn't even get a 60. I know, I haven't been studying well enough and I don't know why either but my maths, 8 over 80, that's something I can't take in. My parents are okay with the 53 and above thing in other subjects but 8, eight, fuck eight. What the hell is the matter with me? 

So you see, it doesn't matter if you got 50 or 40 in maths or whatever subject, I've never passed maths ever since I was primary 5. I've never gotten higher than. period. I don't know if I'm going school tomorrow.

I might not be around after I show my dad my maths, we shall see. 

I don't believe in lost causes.
vee.

kicked to the corner

I haven't seen you in a long time. 

I'm not going to school tomorrow again. 

sadlife.

I miss my friends.

I miss.. god, i miss talking.

I got 53 in Chemistry.

That sucks. 

I can hear disappointment.

I love you and I miss you.

and I hope you  know that. :(

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is love.

vee.

starlit eyes

I spent 4 fucking hours. 

guess doing what.

trying to figure out why I couldn't log in msn and guess why I couldn't log in, well it's like this. Msn fucking blocked my email, why? FACEBOOK emails to many notifications.

Bloody hell.

Oh shit. I change my mind about wanting to go to school tomorrow, I seriously am changing my mind. I just.. I just ain't up for school even if we aren't going to do any studying. Plus, there's results. God, results. I don't want results at the moment. I'm stressed out with other stuffs and results are just.. please no. 

I'm not waiting for anything to happen cause let's admit it, there's nothing going to happen in our everyday lives. We're normal, teenage people unless of course drama follows you around or you attract it or just want it. whatever, I'm sorry for being a bitchy, negative person here.. I haven't meditated and I'm pissed off. Kind of.

I want to chop her tongue off. bitch. ho'. 

Anyway, I watched inception plenty of times today and I just realized that I love it and I've declared it my favorite (forever favorite) movie film. :)) I've added three new things in my addiction list. Tom Hardy, Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Oh my, I drool. So now, I go crazy for: tattoos, violins, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo Dicarpio, Greek Gods, Italy, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Kpop, Tom Hardy, Onew and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

Mostly Onew, Ellen Page, Tattoos, Tom Hardy, Italy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. <3

I have to calm the fuck down. I'm talking rubbish, it's the only way. 

favorite. <3

Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

They match, noh?

weird fact ; he was batman?

Tom Hardy!

I LOVE THIS SCENE and that part where he defies gravity. 

"Paradox" bitch.

if you want inception, you need imagination. 

thus the big gun. hee, I love Tom Hardy.

I drool. Joseph is so.. droolable? :p no such word btw.

my laptop dp. <3

I really wish. :p

I should stop before my hand scrolls to the "Insert image" button. Let's see if I wake up tomorrow. :)) Goodnight and oh. HNNNNG! 4chan sucks right? :((

you have starlit eyes. and I miss those eyes.

vee.

whut

WHUT

I should post the song covers I do.

yes or no?

I've been wondering, how do people become CIA? or hitwoman? Do they like just choose or do they just become one. I don't know cause for some reason, I just want to be one. LOL, I'm very very intrigued. I've been having so much dreams and stuff like that. 

and usually, when I dream about things. It happens. It really does. I'm not kidding.

Nothing to blog about, shit. I'm so fucking bored and I've got nothing to do.

I've been learning about Greek gods, meditating, learning Italian other than that..

waiting for Harry Potter, bitch.

I can't wait for Monday. I don't know why.

Maybe when I see you, things don't seem so bad.

vee.

I look to you

why do good things end?

I did chores the whole day,
had a Harry Potter marathon with my baby brother and...
painted my nails. I'm satisfied with this day.





other than that. nothing. 
so much for holiday. 



I can't wait to see you.
vee.

crash and burn

I just can't make you love me 

and it just burns my heart that you can't feel the flame.

look! from that ^...

to this ^.. 

This world must hate me.

I'm not kidding me. Sharon, Steph, X and I planned on going to mall tomorrow but everything backfired. Nothing ever goes the way I want it, I'm like jinxed or something. Anyway, my schedule is like all packed. I barely have time to spend at home, oh shit, mom and dad are gonna give me tantrums about it again.

Results results results are the only thing that's in my mind. Mom said my geography was 52% only, that's paper 1 and paper 2. shit. Don't ask me how she knows but seriously, I lost to Ong and Keng again. :((

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSHIT.

I emu a lot and I don't have anything to talk about. 

I want to know who. :(
vee.

words don't come easy.

I just wish I understood you a little more better than I did now.

I'm attracted to you. 

I wonder who.

fuck this shit.

Today was fun. It was, exams ended today but what we all fear is coming. Results. Ugh, results suck and the whole whether you'll retain or not. I don't know, my mind is drowning me with negative thoughts. I've tried NOT thinking about it but it's just.. it's just there.

I summarized what happened today, I think it's a summary? I've never really been good at summaries. 

Exams ended, physics wasn't that bad but I don't think I'll get a high mark. I really should've studied. After exams, around 9am, the bitches and I went to the canteen to.. er, talk. We chatted, laughed and ate then took a walk. We didn't actually take a walk cause Sw saw Sg. The dude with really weird hair, her ex crush? something like that. We made fun of her, ran away and "hid" from her.. at least we tried. Then we just stood at that area.. you know the one where the teachers enter there apartment, beside the Darussalam Hall. Yeah, we stood there, just talking and laughing, singing and shit. It was nice. 

It's our official favorite rendezvous place.

Awhile later, we went to the music room. We sang karaoke, there was plenty of us. It was fun cause everyone was smiling and joking around. A was in his singing mood and his sister just kept.. staring. :p M was being a bitch. I just realized how much I wish to slap him on the face. Sometimes, cause he's such a bitch. He talks like he's so unstoppable. -.- I hate that.

I couldn't go home early, went to Yayasan with mom and teacher Aileen. Bought blouses for teacher Aileen then we went to eat at Jollibee, then went to buy new nail polish at face shop. :)) I saw Vili and Xin Ni too. After that, we just went back and waited for dad. Arrived home and never left my chair.

Oh god, the freedom won't last long. I also decided not to have a debutant. I don't see the idea why I should have one.

Pictures.

she just simply licked my choki choki! D:

SHARONNNNNNNNNNNN!

we were fixing our CD's yesterday. we have so much boxes of CD's now.

BIIIIIIIIIIITCH, posting all my candid shots. This is my revenge.

It was nicer during the morning and afternoon but now, my evening is just not my evening. ): Anyway, I'm going out with my bitches on Friday. Hopefully, finally I get to hang out without any occasion with them. :)) I'm excited. I have so much plans that I'm about to go bananas. :p

Oh and today was just the dumbest day ever. someone asked my dad ; are you ready for this?

"why does your dog hate me?"

seriously? how can you ask this about a dog? you're so dumb! wtf?

Happy Birthday Chok.

I love you boy. :)) very much, and I hope all your wishes come true. I hope you have a blast and more to come. Take care always, god bless and stay awesome. Good luck in O's.

I'm having a hard time not thinking.

vaffanculo.

vee.