check it out

Step up in the party, like my name was "that bitch"

All this haters mad cause I'm so established

They know I'm a beast, yeah I'm a fucking savage

Haters you can kill yourself

I missed you blogger! I'm sorry, exams, you get me right? I only get the chance to update twitter from time to time and also facebook when I can. I'm sorry but I promise, after exams. k? So far, exams aren't that bad. I'm confident that my maths is gonna be a big fail and dad is gonna.. hais. I don't even wanna talk about it. 

I believe I have no positive thoughts anymore, all are negative thoughts. I'm drowning in my own thoughts, those negative thoughts. Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. Hanging out with the bitches oh and been talking to H recently. He shared me a secret, it was really... weird to hear it coming from him cause well.. he's him. I guess people do change.

Ek and I have been.. we're the same, no difference. We talk less cause of exam but we see each other everyday and I guess that's enough for me. He talks to me when he sees me, he tries making conversation but usually when he does that I have to be either reading or memorizing. Yeh.

X and I were talking about next year, we're uber stress cause none of three (S, X and me) want to be in different classes. :(( I would die if we were in different classes and plus I want to be the same class as Ht and L and Ek of course. I would evaporate if we he wasn't in the same class with me. I'm afraid that he might... forget about me feeling like this for me. I mean, I'm cool of he likes someone and shit but the thought of being forgotten by HIM. :((( I could just die here and then.

Hmm, ehy stephyonnehneh...

+1 bitch~ <3 

Today, stayed back cause I thought I had to tutor Dwightt today but god, that kid is so freaking lazy to even try studying but staying wasn't that bad. Did plenty of stuff and even had a honest-to-god conversation with Ethan. Isn't that funny? Cause we don't usually have one-to-one conversations... as in ever.

After that, I was left alone till 5. Before that? Hung out with Afy and Fidz then we (X and me) left (cause they did the same) and went to talk in the library.

Pictures from my phone. :))))

I had the urge to post this, still my favourite photo. :3

When we were walking to Yayasan yesterday with Chok and xinZaii, it was a fun day.

Lap this picture. :)

FUCKYEAHSTEPHYEXPRESSIONS. 

Telor, we vandalized it. 

sexy, he allowed me to style his ughy hair.

CHINGCHONG BABEIIII! :3

Ah Keng, taken by steph. :3

Coffee Bean with my sisters. :) 

Jasmine, Ivy, Sarah.

sexy trio.

They aren't in the right order, wuht bitch? I'm lazy k. Plus, you just scroll down and look at them so what's the point? Geddit?

anyway,

vee out.

truth

I can't even think about taking my hair tie off my wrist.

The hair tie, that I wear.

The hair tie, that I tie to my hair.

The hair tie, that I'm comfortable to me.

The hair tie, that I recently bring.

The hair tie, that I like.

The hair tie, that I must wear.

The hair tie, that he wore. today.

I sound like a freaking whore.

I tell the truth. I say what I need to say, I have to say what I need to say or everything else just dies in me. I want lighting to strike me, just once. I don't want to die, I just want a chance to experience what death is. Where would I end up and stuff. I want to change, change into a better person. Someone who would know what to do at certain situations or someone who would know what I should do about... life.

I'm suppose to be on hiatus. Gad,  I shouldn't be here right now cause it's driving me insane that finals are near. I need to pass, I need to get higher than the guys. I seriously, seriously, seriously need to. I'm tired of people treating like I'm some kind of blonde. 

I have tuition later, agh. I'm so lazy to go but I have to cause again finals are coming and tutoring a primary 3 sounds easy when really, it's not.  Everybody seems happier today cause of the papers around school. :) It was nice to see them all smile and say "it brighten up their day". It was nice to hear, really. Also today, the guys did something weird today. Probably made Ek feel awkward, they sticked the tag on my jacket that had his name imprinted on it.

You can judge me, you can hate me, you can think I'm waaaaay into him. I don't care, I tell the truth.

Today is Saturday and today, was a good day. 

vee.

defy gravity

why do people you love become the reason you cry?

so much has changed. we've all changed and each day passes by much faster.

I have the utter craving for chips. Anything sour or salty but I can't eat anything sour or salty cause of my stomach. WEAK I TELL YOU. I haven't eaten anything sour in forever and I'm getting sick and tired (I can't believe I'm going to say this) sick and tired of eating sweet stuff. My throat literally hurts and I feel like I'm gaining more weight due to all the fatty contents of the food I eat. Bah, this is sounding so biology ish. 


I just got home and I feel so freaking sleepy but I still managed to gather up my strength to come here and well, randomly do this. I might not make sense half of the time so bare with me. 


I just got back from a night out with my sisturs and parents. We went to Gaydong to catch up and as usual we didn't plan on where we were going and what we were going to do. Hey, some things just never change. I've missed them really, it was fun even though the JIRMS sister and Turks weren't complete. ): I really, seriously miss the old times where we would all hang out at Coffee Bean. It's like our third home or something. (: Anyway, only Ate Jas, Ate Ivy, Ate Su were able to come since they're the only ones in Brunei. Nico came along cause he was with ate Su. 


I'm guessing you're like "WTF is she talking about?" Well, for starters JIRMS is another word for "germs" but in a very girly way. It represents Jasmine, Ivy, Rachel, Mae, Sarah and Su. The Turks are the guys plus me and Ate Steph. JIRMS and Turks are actually random group names that my parents made when they were like coordinators in church, if you don't get what I mean then neither do I.


Yuh, we went to Coffee Bean and did some catching up, laughed like fuck and made super chitchat. :)) 


I'll post more pictures tomorrow, though we don't really have so much. :p


School today was school, I love Thursdays. So you get what I'm trying to say. I had moments, great ones and really bad moments. Yuhzr. I'll see tomorrow if I can come on, I'm planning on devouring my books and studying. :3


I'd defy gravity for you.


vee.

only the good die young

cause darling, you are, the only exception.

Today wasn't so bad but it wasn't so great either. Physical Education was okay, teacher was in a good mood or maybe it's cause she has no choice but to be good. Mom said it's really her, she's just getting more nicer which kinda creeps me out. We had triple jump today and it was so freaking amazing. I don't know why I love jumping when I'm so gemuk. ._. Kt and the guys kept screaming "Ek power" and shit like that. I hate it, I was like FUUUUUUU? I also managed to talk to Xy today about plenty of things. I still kinda kinda hate him. Anyway, English wasn't so bad either, he didn't let anyone out but obviously some weren't listening. First period was really bad though, we had no assembly today so t. C. stayed in class and boy oh boy she had PMS again. She kept shouting and cursing. ._. She said "fuck you all" and "pu-ang ina mo" which means motherfcuker. I don't really know why she was like that, I told it to my mom and she said maybe it has something to do with the fact that teacher's are complaining to her. 

I still find what she did and said very unprofessional and rude. She can get fired for saying such things, she's suppose to be a "good" influence. So much for that. We also had 2 periods of relief cause Sarimah wasn't around. Uh, during geography after learning and shiz; I guess Jck was eavesdropping which was kinda okay for us since we always talk so loud. I don't know how the conversation started but seriously he started asking 

Jck: "how to fuck deep deep?"
V: "use the hand loh."
Jck: " *shows fingers* how?
S and X: *laughs* 
V: "push in loh."
Jck: "but the finger so short, how to do deep deep?"
V: "push deeper lah"
Jck: *laughs* google! 
*omg, we went googling it.*

It went something like that. What else? I tied my hair today, everyone kept saying I looked cute and I felt like puking bricks. (A) Oh, Ek returned the letter I gave him. After he read it of course, he couldn't throw it in his house cause well, his mom. I'm okay with that but I heard something that I didn't want to hear. :\ He could've told me that truth, if he felt awkward. Yuh, that's pretty much it. 

Pictures ahead!

"shirt" mom bought me, the other is in the laundry still.

Do you see it? :) The kid rolling?

vans was wearing a beanie today! ;( from forever 21. I hetchu but you still look so cute!

nah! nah! nah! see it? Jck typed it on his own k.

We couldn't take it anymore, whenever we pass by F4D we see it and it makes us go crazy at how cute the handwriting is.:3 

zoom version of the kid rolling. he didn't stop until he reached the black and white thing.

new shoes baybeh! ;)

I plan to not talk to you for one day. Just this once.
update soon again. Exams are in 2 weeks, I need to study! D:

vee.


It started out as a feeling then it grew into so much more. It wasn't suppose to but I let my guard down and shit here it comes again. Conquering my whole body, attacking my everything and slowly stabbing my heart countless times. It's slowly tearing me to pieces and when you look me in the eye there it goes but sometimes, your smile heals the broken pieces and it heals but not for long. What is it I'm feeling? Is it weird? Are you afraid? Well, don't. Promise, I'll push it back. I'm pushing it back with all my might. I'd rather let you go now than lose you as a friend... forever. I'm here when you need me, forever wondering what is this feeling I truly feel for you.


What can I say that'll change everything?
What can I do to have just one day with you?
What can I do to make this feeling go away?
What can I say for everything to stop hurting so much?
How can I get answers to my questions?


Am I going to forever hurt?
Am I going to stop feeling this way?
Am I going to keep developing this?
... this impossible wishes, unanswerable questions. To have one day with you is so impossible. I just want to have one day with you, to say everything I need to, to give you one hug and say I'm forever here.

butterlies.

We live in a world full of people pretending to be something they're not.

I don't like it. The feeling I get when I'm suspicious of something or someone, it's unbearable and I just feel like I'm suffocating when I know I can't express this feeling to anyone. I don't make sense.

It's Sunday, I bet you're all out having fun or in facebook, tweeting perhaps? or maybe not. I didn't do much today and it seems I won't be doing anything at all but stay home. I was out during the morning, I had tuition at 8.30 to 10.30 and even at there. After that, we went to Aunt Betty's house cause of something personal.

After that we went home, passed by Atlanta and bought ourselves bunch of junk foods. :) Then here we are, I thought I was gonna end up studying but then shit. I got tempted to get on, it's Sunday. What can one do?

Anyway, this are recent photos. Not necessarily according to the day and shit. Mom also bought me new "shirts" and a new converse. Post the picture soon.

you can't see the IRV down there. 

I'm gonna miss this two, so much. ;(((

Chok and Sean.

They're prettier if you hold them.

It didn't rotate, I just wanted to share a drawing Sw draw. I don't draw like that anymore.

I bought it from J. I think from Taiwan? I love it, it's so cute and I was gonna give one to Ty but he gave me one before I could.

I have this pink book that I always carry now, everyone writes on it. Sometimes about being hurt, confession, messages to me, draw on it, quotes or just stress release. Come if you wanna write. 

Oh, thanks V. 

Played hide and seek here with the bitches. ;) It was fun, I think I blogged about it before.

SEE SO RETARDED! ;)

taking a photo of the sign that hangs outside the ping-pong room.

Counseling with Fgk was fun! 

She built some kind of house or car or carhouse. lololol!

taken by S. 

so retarded ah this two but I love em' anyway!

I don't know why, I love this picture.

._____________.

and this! ;D

I shitted bricks twice seeing this picture! :o

KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! <3

what was I laughing at?

read, read or read here "xinZaii"

loner, retard. :3

Teddy. ;( got hanged. lololjk.

Monday. Fuck. Shit. Up

I wonder where we go from here. It's probably my fault again huh?


vee.

glee inspires

kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow.

wish me luck, the same to you but I can't regret

what I did for love,

what I did, for love.

I'm wrote him a letter. I said I would try letting go, push the feelings all back and try ignoring it. I'm sure he has someone he loves and it's stressing him out to see me, look at him the way I do. Some say, it's love. Some say it's bullshit and nothing but a fantasy. Who knows?

I have a lot to blog but... I really, don't have the mood right now and lazy. Edit soon.


vee.

12/10/2010 ♥

Fuck my brain.

Fgk: what is love to you? what is your objective in finding love?

me: what is love to me? to me? I don't know really, I mean, I've had relationships before yeah but whenever a teenager like me, LIKE ME say that "oh, I'm so in love" how do I really know it's love? I don't even know half of the time if I truly mean it when I say it to guys. So in summary, I might have not even experienced love.

X: Ek *coughs* Ek 

S: *laughs*

me: diam. and  to us, we don't really know what our objective is... at first. I mean, how can you be so sure what you want in a relationship? Sometimes when you're in one all you have to worry about is missing that person. I mean for me, I don't really plan relationships or anything.

I've got it bad. Really bad, what if what I'm feeling now isn't real? or if it is? What if it's just another one of those days? or of it's not? I don't want him to be just another guy, I want him to be THE guy. I don't want to have doubts like this and stuff, I hate being confused. I don't like it, at all. It's fucking messing with me. He's been so sweet that it's making me more confused, why do guys always always have to play with our minds and hearts? ;((((

I went to the clinic yesterday since RIPAS would be so traffic if we went there, we also needed to buy dad's gift so clinic in Gaydong was perfect. Doctor said loads of worrying stuff but I won't worry about it, I won't. I don't wanna. I'm scared it'll come true if I think about it. Fuck it.

Then today wasn't really much, Mr. P hated on us again and made Ek stress. I hate it when he's all stressed out, he acts all weird which is not good. Mom says he's {Ek} been breathing way to much Chung Hwa air and to much EnKt influence. ._________________.

I forgot again what I wanted to blog about. FUCK?

Lastly, Happy Birthday Daddyoh!

 I love you and hope you'll always be healthy! <3

refund for the gifts? ;) joke.

12/10/2010 <3

I hate the feelings that you give me. 


vee.