can't feel a thing

WHY HAI THURR

I am having mixed emotional feelings right now and I once again have no idea why. I guess something to do with bottled feelings, anger for a certain someone, anger for people, annoyed at someone and half of my mind feels like it wants to say/do something but has no idea what it is it wants to say/do. I'm so weird. 

It's Saturday. I'm trying to do something productive today but such a huge fail. I'm suppose to go to 2 parties tonight but I'm just not feeling like partying. What fuckery? Whenever I want to party, I can't. Then when I don't want to, I have parties to choose from. 

I hate friends who make me choose sides. I don't want to choose sides, why are you forcing me? If I want to hate the person, I'll hate the person. -_- Also, I don't like friends who think I'm dumb or something. Stop judging me through my grades, their just numbers! I can be smarter if I wanted to, I just don't like being a smart-ass all the time. 

and stop talking to yourself.

just wanted to show you how long my front hair is now but my back hair is much longer than the front which is weird cause they should be the same length.

fish: PRAWN

me: FISH

muz: me leh? horse!

fish: HAHAHAHA

me: diam lah fish, I deep fry you ah.

fish: CBAI. -______- you wait basic chinese.

me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? O.O 

fish: -walks away-

muz: -evil laughs, walks away-

me: OIIIII CBAI

I need a vacation. 

A longgggg vacation.

no communication, just me and the world.

pull the trigger. I dare you.

When I say "I love him", I look at your face and I know you're judging me.

is it so wrong to feel love?

xx

mentally dead, physically ill

WHY HAI THUR

before I start, I'd like to say

GOOD LUCK PRYNSA FRIENDS.

I wish you guys the best, will pray for your victory.

But then again, if you were to lose (hopefully not) isn't it enough to have had the experience and to have gotten closer to each other as a reward.

Isn't that victory enough?

In other news, I'm back, missed me? I keed.

Things have been so hectic I barely have the time to blog or even go internet. My schedule is always packed and I don't even know how that happened! I feel like I'm dying or something, my body has gone way weaker than it was before. I smell different stuff even when it's not there and I taste weird stuff. I don't know what's wrong and I don't plan on knowing. Jhay says it's effect from m but I haven't even.. since like 2 years ago? but whatever.

I had my school dental check up today and the dentists says I have to get braces, like I didn't know that already. My teeth are a mess, I'm just having trouble finding an appropriate place to get braces. I'm not Bruneian, so it's hard to get one here. Anyway, I'd blog about most the things that's happened lately but that would take forever. 

I forgot to post this up, this was long ago and I tried putting all my hair up and it was really really comfortable. I don't even know why I'm posting this up anymore. 

This one is also old, I don't remember when we took this, we found out that almost a quarter of the students in CHMS own this kind of bag including D. it's so funny cause everyone has there own decoration on it. Horny just crept in the photo. 

KB TRIP WITH TRACK & FIELD TEAM

Karyn during our trip back to Bandar. Our sleep was so heavenly, so heavenly that after getting of the bus we all felt hyper.

Hafidz eating. 

HEHEHE, I finally got to talk and meet ZH officially. He's not bad, kinda gay but not bad.

This teacher, ah. I can't, I don't.

handsome o not? lul

Then horny and I went to help teacher during the badminton tournament, that's EJ hugging her racket. I have more.

EARTH DAY REHEARSALS WITH MY GIRLFRANGS

sexy o not?

RIP SONY ERICSSON

how did this get here?

I don't know why she was laughing, I think I was talking to someone when Stephy took this and this wasn't during earth day. I think, I don't remember. Just uploading all the photos from my phone. I ran out of memory.

satisfied with random photos? I know I am. Anyway, I've been crying more than I usually do and I'm not saying I like it but it feels good to let it out. I did again today and I don't wanna talk about it. 

Also today, I decided to not text anyone aside from Dad and Mom or emergencies from friends. I won't be talking about pretty smile either for the next few days, I feel like I talk way to much about him and it may annoy people I usually talk to about him. I won't even go "it's him!" around them. I won't promise cause I never usually am capable of keeping such promises. 

I now know that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

I hate friends who talk about me in front of my face. It's annoying and I don't like it.

I wonder if she's inlove with.. meh.

Thank you Alai for borrowing me a book to read!

I will try blogging more often.

xx

I love you and I don't know if I should

WHY HAI THERE?

It's been so long, too long I can barely remember the last time I went on the laptop and just sat around. I'm kiddin' I have been using the laptop just not as long as I usually do before. There's been a lot of things going on but it's just to many to even begin talking about it. Okay uh a some updates.

• Been hanging out with Donut more often, staying back and eating dinner with her, stephy and xj.
• Gotten a lot closer to achieving my goal. "Getting to know all Form 5's"
• PRYNSA people are cool, not just cause he's there but yeah.
• I found out that my body contains plenty of toxins
• Found the people who truly hate me
• Pee-ing alot
• I have a really long hair now
• Getting ready for the Monday Assembly Presentation with Form5B.
• Earth Day, I can't wait
• My test 1 results aren't that bad. So far no fail! :))
• I love him so much that it hurts.

Yup, those are my updates. Most of my photos are in the phone and camera, I'll post it up as soon as I can! :)   

Everything beyond this is just emo stuff.

I don't want people to think that I love you cause you're some rich guy. I don't want people thinking that I'm obsessed with you cause I'm not, I just happen to miss you and take every moment I can to see you. I don't want you to leave cause the thought of you leaving breaks my heart to pieces. I don't want to see you with another girl or hear you talk about another girl not cause I want to own you or whatever, I don't want to see you or talk about another girl because it hurts. I want to love you but I don't know if you should.

To those who think that I only love him because he's him.

I wish I knew what runs through your mind when you see me or just hear my name. 

I admit, I have been given so many chances and I blew them all because I was shy. 

But it's okay.

I'll sleep tonight, cry a little, whisper "I love you" in hope that you'll hear it but you most likely won't cause you're thinking of another girl you love.

It doesn't matter cause you'll be happy when you think of her and I know that the happiness you feel at that moment will be the happiness I can't give.

I love you.

xx